Polish One Liners

Q. Why don't polish women use vibrators?
A. It chips their teeth.

Q. How do you sink a polish battleship?
A. Put it in water.

Q: Have you seen the polish mine detector.
A1: Put you fingers in your ears and start stamping the ground with your foot.
A2: Start backing up and waving the detector in front of you.

Q: Why did the Polak cross the road?
A: He couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.

Q: How do you get a one-armed Polak out of a tree?
A: Wave to him.

Q: Why wasn't Christ born in Poland?
A: Because they couldn't find three wisemen and a virgin.

Q: How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast?
A: They marched in backwards and the Polish thought they were leaving.

Q: Why do Polish police cars have stripes on the side?
A: So the cops can find the handles.

Q: How do you tell which is the Groom at a Polish wedding?
A: He's the one with the CLEAN bowling shirt.

Q: How do you stop a Polish army on horseback?
A: Turn off the carousel.

Q: How many Polaks does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: 3. One to stand on a chair and hold the bulb and the other two to spin the chair.
A2: 100001. One to hold the bulb and the other 100000 to spin the house.

Q: What do you do if a Polak throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell - he's still got a hand-grenade between his teeth.

Q: What do you do if a Polak throws a hand-grenade at you?
A: Take the pin out and throw it back.

Q: How do you know if a Polak has been using a computer?
A: There's whiteout on the screen.

Q: How do you take census in a Polish village?
A: Roll a quarter down the street, count the legs, divide by two, and subtract one for the Jew who catches it.

Q: Who wears a dirty white robe and rides a pig?
A: Lawrence of Poland.

Q: Who wears a forest ranger's hat and carries a can of kerosene?
A: Stanislaus the Fire Prevention Bear of the Polish National Forest Service.

Q: How did the Polish mother teach her son which way to put his underwear on?
A: Yellow in the front, Brown in the back!

Q: How do you know you're flying over Poland?
A: Toilet paper hanging on the clotheslines.

Q: Why do Polish names end in "ski" ?
A: Because they can't spell tobbagan.

Q: Did you hear about the Polak who married an Amish woman?
A: He drove her buggy.

Q: Did you hear about the new automatic Polish parachutes?
A: They open on impact.

Q: Do you know why the new football stadium they built in Warsaw could not be used?
A: No matter where you sat you were behind a Pole.

Q: Did you see the polish submarine with a screen door?
A: Dont laugh, it keeps the fish out.

Q: Did you hear about the Polish Helicopter crash?
A: The pilot got cold, so he turned off the fan.

Q: Did you know that Poland just bought 10,000 Septic Tanks?
A: As soon as they learn how to drive 'em, they are going to invade Russia.

Q: Did you hear about the Polak who thought his wife was trying to kill him?
A: On her dressing table he found a bottle of "Polish Remover".

Q: Why do Polish hate Cauchy's dog? (hint on Cauchy-Riemann theorem)
A: Because it leaves residues at each Pole.

Q: What's the motto of the Polish Solidarity Union?
A: Every man for himself.

Q: How do you get a Polak out of the bath tub?
A: Throw in a bar of soap.

Q: What's delaying the Polish space program?
A: Development of a working match.

Q: What are the two biggest Polish lies?
A: The check's in your mouth, and I won't come in the mail.

Q: Did you hear about the Polish man that locked his keys in his car?
A: He had to use a coat hanger to get his family out.

Q: Why do Polish dogs have flat noses?
A: From chasing parked cars.

Q: What do you get when you cross a 1-legged Polak with a Mongoloid?
A: A Polaroid One-Step.

Q: Did you hear about the Polak who studied for 5 days?
A: He was scheduled to take a urine test.

Q: How do you confuse a Polak?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to piss in the corner.

Q: How do you keep a Polak in suspense?

Q: Why are there no ice cubes in Poland?
A: They forgot the recipe.

Q: What happens when a Polak doesn't pay his garbage bill?
A: They stop delivering.

Q: How do Polaks form a car pool?
A: They meet at work.

Q: How do you ruin a Polish party?
A: Flush the punch bowl.

Q: What is long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night?
A: A new last name.

Q: What happened to the Polish National Library?
A: Someone stole the book.

Q: Did you hear about the man who was Polishing the flagpole?
A: He varnished into thin air!

Q: Why did the Polish couple decide to have only 4 children?
A: They'd read in the newspaper that one out of every five babies born in the world today is Chinese.

Q: What did the Polish mother say when her daughter announced that she was pregnant?
A: "Are you sure it's yours?"

Q: Why did the Polak sell his water skis?
A: He couldn't find a lake with a hill in it.

Q: You go to a cockfight. How do you know if a Polak is there?
A: He's the one with a duck.

Q: How do you know if an Italian is there?
A: He bet on the duck.

Q: How do you know if the Mafia is there?
A: The duck wins.

Q: Why did the polack put ice in his condom?
A: To keep the swelling down.

Q: What does a polish girl do after she sucks cock?
A: Spits out the feathers.

Q: How many polaks does it take to kidnap a child?
A: 12. One to kidnap the child and the remaining 11 to write a ransom letter.

Q: A Polish soldier was confronted by a charging German soldier and a charging Russian soldier. Which did he shoot first, and why?
A: He shot the German first--business before pleasure.

Q: How does a Polish Firing Squad stand?
A: In a circle

Q: Why does the new Polish navy have glass bottom boats?
A: So they can see the old Polish navy.