Play Me Or Trade Me

One football fan lived and died by his favorite football team in the
fall. He had no time for his family or children. He could be found
only on the couch, a six-pack or part of one at his side, and his eyes
glued to the TV screen. One day his wife marched up in front of the
screen, opened her house dress, and said, with finality, "Okay, buster,
play me or trade me!"
One professional football player just couldn't get his contract
settled. He wanted Sundays off!
The violence on the field is nothing compared to what happens when a
wife catches her husband drooling over the cheerleaders.