Police Jokes 1

A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins. He pulls the guy over and says: "You can't drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately."
The guy says OK, and drives away.
The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins, and they're all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands: "I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?"
The guy replies: "I did ... today I'm taking them to the beach!"

A hydrogen atom lost its electron and went to the police station to file a missing electron report. He was questioned by the police: "Haven't you just misplaced it somewhere? Are you sure that your electron is really lost?"
"I'm positive." replied the atom.

Yesterday I was at the local Wal-Mart. Now I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out, there he was - a damn Motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket ...
So, I goes up to him and said: "Come on Buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"
He simply ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
So, I called him a pencil necked Nazi. He then glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!
So, I called him a sorry excuse for a human being. He then finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started to write a third ticket!
This went on for about 25 minutes ... the more I abused and hurled insults at him, the more tickets he wrote ...
But hey, I didn't give a damn. My car was parked around the corner ...

What to not say to the nice policeman:
Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "LOW BRIDGE AHEAD". Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got your truck stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

What to not say to the nice policeman:
Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum!

What to not say to the nice policeman:
Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonald's?

What to not say to the nice policeman:
I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

What to not say to the nice policeman:
I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

One day, the phone rang, and a little boy answered.
"May I speak to your parents?"
"They're busy."
"Oh. Is anybody else there?"
"The police."
"Can I speak to them?"
"They're busy."
"Oh. Is anybody else there?"
"The firemen."
"Can I speak to them?"
"They're busy."
"So let me get this straight -- your parents, the police, and the firemen are there, but they're all busy? What are they doing?"
"Lookin for me."

What to not say to the nice policeman:
Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"
He said, "Call for backup."

What to not say to the nice policeman:
Hey, you must've been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good Job!

What to not say to the nice policeman:
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

What to not say to the nice policeman:
I pay your salary!

What to not say to the nice policeman:
Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector was unplugged.

Police Quote: "The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them a while."

A hole has appeared in the ladies changing rooms at the sports club.
Police are looking into it.

A Kentucky State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-75. He says to the driver, "Got any ID?"
The driver says, "Bout what?"

Police Quote: "In God we trust, all others are suspects."

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