Collection #1

A guy comes home from work and his girlfriend is sitting on the front step with her packed bags sitting next to her. "What you doing?" he asks her.
"I heard you were a paedophile" she answers.
"That's a mighty big word for a 10 year old" he says.

Three priests are out taking three choirboys fishing, when the boat starts to sink.
"We've got to save the boys!" screams the first priest.
"Fuck the boys!" roars the second.
The third looks nervously at the water flooding the boat and asks "Do you think we've got time?"

A new priest, fresh out the seminary, starts at his first parish and is more than a little nervous, particularly about hearing confession. He mentions this to the retiring priest, who tells him that people will be happy so long as they get the same punishment each time - and gives him a comprehensive list of sins and the required atonement.

For the first few weeks, all goes well; a shopkeeper shortchanges a customer - he assigns 1 Our Father; a lady commits adultery - he assigns 5 Hail Marys. He starts to relax - and then a young woman comes into the confessional, and confesses to giving a stranger a blowjob. The priest looks at the list - and can't find it anywhere. He starts to panic, and opens the door of the confessional, beckoning one of the altar boys over
"Quickly!" he says, "What did the old priest give for a blowjob?"

"A kit-kat" replies the lad.

Little johnny runs into his mother and says "mummy can you show me a magic trick"
His mother replies "sorry johnny i don't know any magic tricks go ask your father"
so little johnny runs to his father and says "Daddy daddy can you show me a magic trick?"
His father replies "sorry johnny i don't know any magic tricks go ask your grandfather"
So little johnny runs to his grandfathers and said "granddad granddad can you show me a magic trick?"
His grandfather replies sure johnny turn around and pull your pants down, now can you feel me thumb up your arse?"
"Yes i can" johnny replied.

"Look no hands."

A man and a little boy are walking into the woods around sunset. neither of them says a word, but as theyíre walking, itís noticeable how dark itís gotten. the further and further they go, the darker and scarier it gets until finally, the little boy turns and says:
"hey, Iím getting scared mister!" the man looks down and replies:
"YOUíRE scared? I gotta walk outta here by myself!"

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