PROFUNDITIES, WITTICISMS AND GENERAL WISDOMIt is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
Addendum; a Smith and Wesson beats four aces. (Canada Bill Jones)
A pipe gives a wise man time to think
And a fool something to put in his mouth.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
Whatever goes around, comes around.
There is only one right way for a machine to run. The number of
ways it can go wrong is so infinite that every operating
engineer lives in constant terror.
Don't rejoice at the defeat, you men,
Now that you have killed the bastard.
The bitch that bore him is in heat again.
ON DYING - REMEMBRANCE
Bring back my name
On wings of flame.
Winds of the plains,
Dance once for me.
They will come back - come back - as long as the red earth rolls.
He never wasted a leaf or a tree. Do you think he would
Gold is for the mistress - silver for the maid -
Copper for the craftsman, cunning at his trade.
But Iron - Cold Iron - is master of them all.
The number of people who agree or disagree with you has
absolutely no bearing on whether you're *right*. The universe
has a way of deciding that for itself.
The truth of any proposition has nothing to do with its
credibility...and vice versa.
The last thing you want is an educated, affluent and emancipated
population. Power hinges on the restriction and control of
wealth. Science and technology offer unlimited wealth.
Therefore, science and technology have to be controlled.
Knowledge and reason are enemies. Myth and unreason are the
weapons you fight them with.
If you don't like yourself, you can't like other people.
Money is a powerful aphrodisiac. But flowers work almost as
It may be better to be a live jackal than a dead lion, but it is
better still to be a live lion. And usually easier.
Men rarely, if ever, manage to dream up a god superior to
themselves. Most gods have the morals and manners of a spoiled
Place your clothes and weapons where you can find them in the
An Elephant; A Mouse built to government specifications.
Democracy is based on the assumption that a million men are
wiser than one man. How's that again? I missed something.
Autocracy is based on the assumption that one man is wiser than
a million men. Let's play that over again too. Who decides?
Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.
Money is the sincerest form of flattery.
Women love to be flattered.
So do men.
You live and learn. Or you don't live long.
Only a sadistic scoundrel - or a fool - tells the bald truth on
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax
collectors - and miss.
The profession of shaman has many advantages. It offers high
status with a safe livelihood free of work in the dreary, sweaty
sense. In most societies it offers legal privileges and
immunities not granted to other men. But it is hard to see how
a man who has been given a mandate from on High to spread
tidings of joy to all mankind can be seriously interested in
taking up a collection to pay his salary. It causes one to
suspect that the shaman is on the moral level of any other con
man. But it's lovely work if you can stomach it.
Tilting at windmills hurts you more than the windmills.
'Go to hell!' or other insult direct is all the answer a snoopy
A man does not insist on physical beauty in a woman who builds
up his morale. After a while he realizes that she *is*
beautiful - he just hadn't noticed at first.
Natural laws have no pity.
Freedom begins when you tell Mrs. Grundy to go fly a kite.
Political tags - such as royalist, communist, democrat,
populist, fascist, liberal, conservative, and so forth - are
never basic criteria. The human race divides politically into
those who want people to be controlled and those who have no
such desire. The former are idealists acting from the highest
motives of the greatest good for the greatest number. The
latter are surly curmudgeons, suspicious and lacking in
altruism. But they are more comfortable neighbors then the
Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other
'sins' are invented nonsense. (Hurting yourself is not sinful -
Certainly the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you. If you
don't bet, you can't win.
Delusions are often functional. A mother's opinions about her
children's beauty, intelligence, goodness, et cetera ad nauseam,
keep her from drowning them at birth.
Never appeal to a man's better nature. He may not have one.
Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.
You can have peace, or you can have freedom. Don't ever count
on having both at once.
A woman is not property. Husbands who think otherwise are
living in a dreamworld.
Stupidity is not a sin. The victim can't help being stupid.
Stupidity cannot be cured with money, or through education, or
by legislation. But stupidity is the only universal capital
crime. The sentence is death; there is no appeal, and
execution is carried out automatically and without pity.
The correct way to punctuate a sentence that starts 'Of course
it's none of my business but...' is to place a period after the
word 'but'. Don't use excessive force in supplying such morons
with a period. Cutting his throat is only a momentary pleasure
and is bound to get you talked about.
Formal courtesy between husband and wife is even more important
than it is between strangers.
Your friends will know you better in the first minute you meet
then your acquaintances will know you in a thousand years.
Argue for your limitations and, sure enough, they're yours.
You are never given a wish without also being given the power to
make it come true. You may have to work for it though.
Here is a test to find out whether your mission on earth is
finished; If you're alive, it isn't.
In order to live free and happily, you must sacrifice boredom.
It is not always an easy sacrifice.
There is no limit to how gently you can apply a big hammer, but
there definitely is to how hard you can hit with a small one.
Hey, shit happens!
Let he who doubts the existence of God observe the workings of
our Government, then ponder the fact that mankind survives and