The Top Surprises in the Re-Mastered "Star Wars"

New scene in which Chewbacca teaches Han Solo how to lick himself.

The commercial tie-in appearance of Jabba's big brother, Pizza the Hut.

Newly-colorized Darth Vader is mauve.Jabba the Butt-head saying, "Hehe...hehe...she said, 'Lay ya.'"

During one lonely night, Princess Lea finds R2D2's special attachment.

Anti-fur activists from planet PETA spray Chewbacca with red paint.

He might not look as fearsome as before, but that Primatene Mist of Darth Vader's seems to have helped his breathing immensely.

Added scene in which Tonya Harding whacks Princess Leia on the knee with a light saber.

Luke accused of killing ex-wife and advised by Obi Wan to "Use the Fifth, Luke."

Han, Luke, Obi-Wan and C3PO now sporting bitchin' goatees.

Revealing scene in the bathroom shows how "Han Solo" got his name.

New scene where Luke shakes JFK's hand and tells him he has to pee.

The X-Wing pilot who blows up the Death Star? Richard Jewell.

Dismembered victim of Obi-Wan Kenobi's light saber in bar scene none other than John Wayne Bobbitt.

Commander of the Death Star: Dr. Kevorkian

Land speeders replaced with bitchin' pink Miatas

Comic relief provided by Cheech Marin as Luke Skywalker's wacky Mexican caddy

Darth Vader's voice goes up three octaves after Dennis Rodman kicks him in the groin

Instead of "May the force be with you," Obi-Wan Kenobi says, "Show me the money!"

Cameo appearance by Bob Dole as Yoda's great-great-grandfather

Luke and Darth Vader work together to beat the crap out of a bunch of Trekkies

New scene in which Jabba the Hut is hugged by a sobbing Richard Simmons.