Funny Bumper Stickers

Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ASS?

If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!

Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest?

Your gene pool needs a little chlorine.

You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!


You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT!

Save Your Breath ... You'll need it to blow up your date!

Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.

My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom.


All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute.

I need someone really bad...Are you really bad?

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

All men are idiots....I married their king.

The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.

IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.

Hang up and drive.

Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Where there's a will...I want to be on it.

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Don't drink and drive...You might hit a bump and spill your drink.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry....Then things get worse.

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Be nice to your kids...They will pick out your nursing home.

Always remember you're unique...Just like everyone else.

Honk If You Want To See My Finger

Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

Support Cannibalism-EAT ME!

God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.

I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.

I wasn't born a bitch. Men like you made me this way.

Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!

Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G?

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.

EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.

Your child may be an honor student but you're still an idiot.

If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.

If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.

Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.

Whitewater is over when the First Lady sings.

Jack Kevorkian for White House physician.

Just say no! to sex with pro-lifers.

My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her ...or something like that.

Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.

If we are what we eat; I'm cheap, fast, and easy.

Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!

More funny bumper stickers

"Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.

"More hay, Trigger?" "No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!"

Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

All generalizations are false, including this one.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

Assassins do it from behind.

Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?

Did anyone see my lost carrier?

Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.

Double your drive space - delete Windows!

Error, no keyboard - press F1 to continue.

Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

He who laughs last thinks slowest!

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.

I won't rise to the occaasion, but I'll slide over to it.

I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.

I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!

I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!

If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?

Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.

Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER

There's too much blood in my caffeine system.

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?

What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free?

When there's a will, I want to be in it.