Election Tie-Breaker

On Election Night 2004, the returns showed Kerry 50%, Bush 50%. To avoid another Supreme Court case, it was decided that there should be an ice-fishing contest between the two candidates to determine the final winner. The candidate that caught the most fish at the end of the week would win.

After a lot of back-and-forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a remote and cold lake in Wisconsin. There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification.

At the end of the first day, Kerry returns to the starting line with 10 fish. Soon, W. returns and has zero fish. Everyone assumes he is just having a bad day or something and, hopefully, he will catch up the next day.

At the end of the second day, Kerry comes in with 20 fish and W. comes in again with none.

That evening, Dick Cheney gets together secretly with W. and says, "I think Kerry is a lowlife, cheatin' son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don't even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see if he is cheating in any way."

The next night (after Kerry comes back with 50 fish), Cheney says to Bush, "Well, what about it, is Kerry cheatin'?"

"He sure is, he's cutting holes in the ice."