You Might Be A Rednick If... (Part IV) have a bowling machine in your kitchen. have a clawfoot bathtub. have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood. have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run). have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions. have accidentally taken a drink from your spit can. have an autographed picture of Bob Barker in your wallet. have every episode of "Hee Haw" on tape. have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard! have sworn on your mother's grave while she is standing beside you. have the policeman hold your beer while you get your license. have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco. have to check your coke can before you take a drink just in case you have mistaken it for your spit can. have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge. keep a chainsaw in the trunk "just in case". learned to drive in a monster truck! list your parole officer as a reference. look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right' only bathe when it rains. own a homemade fur coat. own at least 20 baseball hats. pick up your girfriend on a bike for the prom. picked your teeth from a catalog. picket your horses on your lawn so you won't have to mow it. pull up to a gas station in a limo to buy a can of Skoal. recycle motor oil by moving it from the car to the truck! refer to the Surgeon General's Warning on a pack of cigarettes as your medical encyclopedia. refer to your cousin as "my girlfriend". refuse to slide during a softball game because you don't want to crush your cigarettes! refuse to wash your truck on account that you have a strong suspicion that mud and rust is all that's holding it together. roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year. save old kitchen appliances for children's Christmas presents. save old kitchen appliances for target practice. saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting. see a forest fire and think 'Bar-bee-Q'. see a sign that says "bridge out" and you try to jump it. sell your car for gas money. shot your own 12 point coat rack. smoke during your deer hunt after scent-proofing yourself all month. spell fertilizer with only 4 letters. spell out NASCAR in Christmas lights. stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by. stop to flirt with the person running the drive through at McDonalds. surf the net primarily for tater gun building instructions. take a fishing pole to Sea World. take the back window out of your pickup because it's easier to chuck the empty beer cans in the back that way. think "Dueling Banjos" is classical music. think "Meals on Wheels" is another name for roadkill. think 'possum is the "other white meat". think Old Yeller is a movie about your brother's tooth.

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