Lightbulb Jokes 3

How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light
bulb?
One; he designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one and
screw itself in.

How many veterinarians does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change the bulb and two more to complain that an MD
makes ten times as much for the same procedure!!

How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
1. That depends on whether it has health insurance.
2. Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb
installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.
3. None. They just tell it to take two asprin and come round to the
surgery later.
4. None. They only sign the death certificate and phone the mortuary.
5. None. They would diagnose depression and prescribe benzo
diazapines.
6. Only one, but he has to have a nurse to tell him which end to
screw in.

How many dentists does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to administer the anaesthetic, one to extract the light
bulb, and one to offer the socket some vile pink mouthwash.

How many surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?
1. None. They would wait for a suitable donor and do a filament
transplant.
2. Three. They'd also like to remove the socket as you aren't using
it now.

How many orthopedic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?
Why don't you just let us take out the socket? You aren't using it
anyway, and it will only cause you trouble later.

How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?
1. Never let a chiropractor change a light bulb! They always twist it
until it pops!
2. Only one, but it takes nine visits.

How many physiotherapists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They just give the dead bulb some exercises to do and hope it
will be working a bit better the next time they see it.

How many neurophysiologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. One to remove the old bulb and examine it under the microscope to
find out what went wrong, one to blow a tube of glass into the bulb
shape, one to coil the tungsten wire filament, one to clean up the
metal base of the old bulb, one to operate the vacuum pump to get rid
of the air in the bulb and one to apply the glue to seal the new bulb
into the old base. The new bulb won't work, of course, but the whole
process uses up a lot of expensive equipment and keeps several
intelligent people happily employed doing something totally useless.

How many emergency room technicians does it take to change a light
bulb?
One, but the bulb will have to spend 45 minutes in the waiting room.

How many NHS hospital staff does it take to change a light bulb?
1. Six. One to diagnose the problem, one to take an X-ray, one to
wheel in the replacement on a trolley, one to apply an
anaesthetic, one to do the delicate operation, and one to examine
the late bulb in a post-mortem.
2. Six. Person (1) reports bulb is not working and requests a new
one. Department supervisor (2) sends order form to maintenance
department. Maintenance department clerk (3) decides whether to
make it priority case. Job booked. Supervisor (4) decides whether
it should be done individually or with other jobs. Order is placed
in maintenance man's pigeonhole. Maintenance man (5) fills in
ticket describing job. He picks up the parts needed. He goes to
scene of faulty light bulb. He fits bulb or discovers he cannot
mend light. He returns to department and reports back. He
completes work ticket putting this in writing. Work ticket is
checked by maintenance department to see whether order carried
out. Then checked to see task completed in time set out under
department guidelines. Ticket filed. Member of department (6)
checks ticket against department work plan. Details go into
department's workload report.
(Allegedly true version - believe it if you will.)

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
1. None. The bulb will change itself when it is ready.
2. Just one, but the light bulb has to really WANT to change.
3. How long have you been having this phantasy?
4. How many do you think it takes?

How many Freudians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to hold the ladder and one to change the penis. Oops! I mean,
er, the light bulb.

How many undertakers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They just paint them black and go on using them.

How many aerobics instructors does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. Four to do it in perfect synchrony and one to stand there going
"To the left, and to the left, and to the left, and to the left, and
take it out, and put it down, and pick it up, and put it in, and to
the right, and to the right, and to the right, and to the right..."

How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?
1. MY GOD!! IT BURNT OUT!! SELL ALL MY G.E. STOCK NOW!!!!!
2. Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try
and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned
out).
3. 24 1/8, but that's down 3/8 from yesterday.

How many executives does it take to change a light bulb?
A roomful - they have to hold a meeting to discuss all the
ramifications of the change.

How many Quality managers does it take to change a light bulb?
We've formed a quality circle to study the problem of why light bulbs
burn out and to determine the best thing we as managers can do to
enable light bulbs to work smarter, not harder.

How many admin assistants does it take to change a light bulb?
None. I can't do anything unless you complete a light bulb design
change request form.

How many marketing directors does it take to change a light bulb?
It isn't too late to make this neon instead, is it?

How many sales directors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
(pause) I get it! This is one of those light bulb jokes, right?

How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
1. What kind of answer did you have in mind?
2. None-just assume it's changed.

How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
1. How many can you afford?
2. It depends on how much of the building needs to be rewired.
3. I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.
4. I can't possibly answer that question without a full study of the
problem.
5. We don't know. They never get past the feasibility study.

Note how even with all those answers, it is still not known how many
it actually takes.

How many PR people does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't know, but I'll get back to you on that.
Note: Believe it or not, this joke cracks up reporters because PR
people try to force reporters to work their stories by talking to the
PR person. Alas, the PR person never actually knows anything... so
he/she is always responding as in the punchline.

How many hookers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
1. None - they get screwed - they don't usually do the screwing.
2. None. "Who needs lights?"
3. That depends. If it's a red light, they'll all fight over it,
otherwise you'd have a better chance getting them to change a $20.

How many porn actresses does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Well, it looks like 2 of them are really doing it, but the real answer
is actually none. They're just faking it.

How many massage parlor attendants does it take to change a light
bulb?
Whatever number turns you on, big boy.

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
1. How many can you afford?
2. None, lawyers only screw us.
3. Lawyers don't change bulbs. Now if you're looking for someone to
really screw a bulb...
4. None, lawyers prefer to keep their clients in the dark.
5. That depends... how many do you want it to take?
6. None, he'll have the paralegal do it. But, you'll get the
following bill:
Item Light bulb

Charge $2185

(Itemization of bill charges)

Lawyer's time (1 hr. minimum)$ 400

Connectivity charge $ 100

Staff charge $ 250

Secretary prepared bill$2

Research fee $ 422

Consulting fee$ 431

Paralegal processing fees $ 25

Specialized equipment $ 122

Bought bulb$5

Overnight express delivery$ 34

Rule 453.957(B)(1) charge $ 394

7. It only takes one to change your bulb to his bulb.
8. Three. One to change it and 2 to keep interrupting by standing up
and shouting "Objection !"
9. Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake the ladder, and one
to sue the ladder company.
10. Three. One to sue the power company for insufficiently supplying
power, or negligent failure to prevent the surge that made the
bulb burn out in the first place, one to sue the electrician who
wired the house, and one to sue the bulb manufacturers.
11. Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to
object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a
letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to
depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order
a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for
professional services. (another huge answer is at the bottom of
this file.)

How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?
Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

How many referral agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a
store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.

How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light
bulb?
1. That's proprietary information. Answer available from AT&T on
payment of license fee (binary only).
2. Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually
drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
3. Three. One to get the bulb and two to get the phone number of one
of their subordinates to actually change it.

How many Mike Tysons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Four, one to screw in the light bulb, one to rape his girlfriend, one
to beat the pulp out of it when it doesn't work, and one to talk like
some skinny little white fag.

How many ice skaters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to screw in the bulb, one to hire a hitman to club the other
skater on the knee.

How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but it takes at least three light bulbs.

How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?
1. Depends on what you want to change it into.
2. Just one, but pretty soon they're all doing it.
Note: This joke is funny in magic circles, and is based on the
fact that magicians are quick to steal material from each other.

How many circus performers does it take to change a light bulb?
1. Four: One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and
four to go!
2. Four. One to change the bulb and three to sing, Ta da!

How many newsmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one, but he'll tell everybody.

How many NBC news producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three, one to drill a hole in the light bulb so it blows up when he
turns it on, one to film it, and one to insist on the truth of the
report despite the manipulation.

How many American standup comedians does it take to change a light
bulb?
You know what bugs me about light bulbs? The other night I was flying
cross country and the f****** stewardess started telling me about her
cat. Man, I f****** hate people who don't use their turn signals.
F***. Hey, how about an impression. Here's Jack f****** Nicholson
doing Tony Curtis in drag imitating Marlon Brando screwing in a light
bulb. FEEEEEELINGS....

How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me."
Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, the phrase was from "Laugh In."

How many folk-dancers does it take to change a light-bulb?
Just one, but they break a lot of bulbs when they drop everything to
get onto the dance-floor when they hear the introduction to a dance
they want to do.

How many square dancers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Four, and you have to walk them through it a few times.

How many Techno dancers does it take to change a light bulb?
Six, one to wear it around the neck, one to bring ecstasy and give it
to the dancer to distract him, one to steal the light bulb while the
dancer is distracted and dazed from ecstasy, three to distract the
remaining crowd so they will not try to grab the bulb.

How many guitarists/actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One hundred. One to screw it in and 99 to say, "Oh, I can do that."

How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
1. Five. One to change it, and four to stand around going "Huh ! I
could've done that !"
2. 5, one to do it and 4 to say that they liked it but would have
done it a bit differently.

How many skateboarders does it take to change a light bulb?
1. Six. One to change it, and five to stand around saying "Heeey! I
could do that!"

How many rock'n'rollers does it take to change a light bulb?
5, one to change the bulb and 4 to get in free because they know the
guy who owns the socket.

How many Smiths fans does it take to change a light bulb?
None, because there is a light that never goes out.

How many Cure fans does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it and one to brood about the moment of darkness
for another four hours.

How many flute players does it to take to change a light bulb?
5, one to change the bulb, one to pull the ladder out from under her,
and three to bitch about how much better they would have done it.

How many French horn players does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but he'll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment
and leaks.

Do you know how many musicians it takes to screw in a light bulb?
1. No, big daddy, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
2. Five. One to screw in the light bulb and four to stand around and
say, "Man, if I'd had his studio time, I could have done that."
3. Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and
seventeen in on the guest list.

How many country/folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good
the old light bulb was.

How many female opera singers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. If they sing loudly enough they'll break it.

How many sopranos does it take to screw in a light bulb?
1. Only one, but it takes a while for the world to revolve around
her.
2. Three. One to climb up the ladder, one to kick the ladder out from
under her and a third to say, "I knew that was too high for you
dear." (That laughter you hear is from the Alto Section.)
3. One hundred. One to do it, and ninety-nine to discuss how it was
really too high for her.

How many altos does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five; one to change the bulb, and 4 to whine "It's too high!"

How many tenors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three - One to do it and two to stand there and tell each other how
they could have done it better.

How many baritones does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just let the tenors do the work.

How many basses does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Who cares? Basses can't read music anyway!

How many classical music singers does it take to change a light bulb?
None - "Impossible. The altitude may put unnecessary strain on my
vocal cords. Have the bassist do it."

How many conductors does it take to change a light bulb?
Seven. (Indignant nose upturned.) Of course, I wouldn't expect you to
understand.

How many country & western singers does it take to change a light
bulb?
Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the
loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love she is with
the new one, and one to go "Yeeeee-Hah !" and throw his hat in the
air.

How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they don't get up that high.

How many trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. One to actually do it, and five to stand around and talk about
how much better they could have done it.

How many sax players does it take to change a light bulb?
1. Sixty. One to change the bulb and fifty-nine to talk about how
much better Michael Brecker would have done it.
2. Just one, but he has to go through a whole box to find just the
right one.

How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to handle the bulb, and four to contemplate how David
Sanborn would've done it.

How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but all the others gathered 'round will complain that that's
not the way EARL (Scruggs) would have done it.

How many contrabassoon players does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to hold the bulb and the other four to figure out the
fingerings.

How many bassists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
1. None. The keyboardist does it with his left hand.
2. None, we're too cool to change light bulbs.
3. It doesn't matter. Nobody will notice anyway.
4. Just one, but the guitarist has to show him first
5. Five-one to do it and four to beat back all the guitarists who are
trying to elbow him out of the spotlight.

How many keyboardists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
1. One to light a candle and say it's just as good as electric light.
2. None: "I've got a candle that looks just like it."
3. Light Bulbs? C'mon, I got sunlight, fluorescent, candles-anything
you want.
4. "Oh, just one. But this bulb won't do. You want to use a 3-way
bulb, but if you can afford it, I hear that next month GE will be
coming out .... "
5. Only one, but if you wait until next month, Yamaha will have a new
model bulb out which is much better.
6. Two: One to screw in the bulb, and one to patch it into the Korg.
7. Two: One to change the bulb and one to say "Yeah, that sounds just
like it." (With apologies for some slight overlapping of the
answers here.)

How many lead singers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Get the drummer to do it.

How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
1. None. They have a machine that does that now.
2. Only one, but he'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they
can't just be pushed in.
3. One, but only after asking "Why?"
4. Two: one to hold the bulb, and one to turn his throne (but only
after they figure out that you have to turn the bulb).
5. 10. One to change the light bulb and the other 9 to dicuss how
John Bonham (or Steve Gadd or Neil Paert) would have done it !
6. One .. Two, and a-one two three four

How many roadies/sound men does it take to change a light bulb?
1. One, two ! One, two ! One, two !
2. None. "I don't do lights. That's the light crew's job."
3. One: Upon finding no replacement, he takes the original apart,
repairs it with a chewing gum wrapper and duct tape, changes the
screw mount to bayonet mount, finds an appropriate patch cable,
and re-installs the bulb fifty feet from where it should have
been, to the satisfaction of the rest of the band.

How many security guards at a Grateful Dead concert does it take to
change a light bulb?
21: One to change the bulb, the rest to fatally beat the Deadhead who
was only there to look at the light. (Deadhead = Fan of The Grateful
Dead.)

How many Dead-Heads does it take to change a light bulb?
10,001..... One to change the light bulb and 10,000 to follow the
burnt-out one!!

How many Frank Zappa's does it take to change a light bulb?
None, the light bulb is not dead, it just smells funny.
Note: Frank Zappa (being a jazz musician (among other styles))
commented on contemporary jazz: "Jazz is not dead--it just smells
funny."

How many bluegrass musicians it takes to change a light bulb?
1. Two - one to screw it in and one to complain that it is
electrified.
2. Three, one to do it and two to argue about whether that was the
way Bill Monroe would have done it.
3. It doesn't matter because the banjo player is gonna' change it
again anyway after everybody else is done.
4. They don't. They only use acoustic light bulbs.

How many blues musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to go to Chicago because there might be a light bulb there
and the other to play harp.

How many CD player users does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but the old bulb keeps getting stustustustustustustustustustuck

How many LP player users does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but the old bulb keeps getting stuck... getting stuck... getting
stuck...

How many Dylan fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind. The answer is blowin'
in the wind.

How many Pet Shop Boys does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it and one to sit around looking bored.

How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?
1. Two: One to screw in the bulb and the other to smash the old one
on his forehead.
2. Three. One to do it and two to argue about who did it first.
Note: refers to punk pastime of arguing about whether the first
punk band was The Sex Pistols, The Damned, or The Dead Kennedys
etc.

How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
1. Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
2. Two. One to change the light bulb and one to say "what's the big
deal, I could have done that."
3. Nine. One to climb the ladder and replace the bulb, eight to stand
around grumbling "That should be ME up there."
4. A finite number F. One to change it and F-1 to act in a
stereotypical manner according to the part they're playing.

How many actresses does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but you should have seen the line outside the producer's hotel
room.

How many mimes does it take to change a light bulb?
"..."

How many Wizard of Oz characters does it take to change a light bulb?
None, because the scarecrow is too dumb to do it, the tin man doesn't
have the heart, the lion is afraid he'll get electrocuted, Dorothy
keeps calling, "Aunty Em!" and the wicked witch keeps screaming, "flip
the damn switch!"

How many Scarlett O'Haras does it take to change a light bulb?
Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.

How many movie directors does it take to change a light bulb?
1. Four!... No! Two... No Three.
2. Just one, but he wants to do it thirty-two times and when he's
done everyone thinks that his last light bulb was much better.

How many Directors does it take to change a light bulb?
1. What do you think? (Theatre humour)
2. Three. No, five. No, you go away - four. YES! Four! Perfect!

How many stage managers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
1. That's not your concern. It will be done by opening night.
2. Union rules prevent the changing of light bulbs by unskilled
employees lacking the skills of lighting technicians. If they
wish, a stage mangaer can request that the production manager
hires a lighting designer. This designer can make plans for the
overall appearance of the light. Having done this, the designer
must consult with the stage manager and the production manager to
confirm both the practical and the financial position of the
company. Given the process is viable, the lighting designer can
consult the director as to the artistic elements of the aforesaid
project. Given approval at all these steps, the lighting designer
and the production manager can carry out an interview process. The
lighting technician who is hired can then check process viability,
before requesting a cheque from the production manager. The
lighting technician can then purchase a light bulb from the
furthest but cheapest lighting supplier, preferably Electric
Sunshine Lighting in Sydney Australia. Upon arrival, the light
bulb can be checked by the technician and he can request that the
stage manager helps him with the ladder while he changes the light
bulb in the men's toilet at the Fringe Club Theatre in Hong Kong.

How many lighting designers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
That's not my job.

How many theater electricians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
1. Lamp! It's a goddamned lamp!
2. One to get the ladder, one to take out the old lamp, one to throw
away the old lamp, etc.
3. One, but it's still a four hour call (union stagehands get paid
four hours minimum just for walking in the door).

How many screenwriters does it take to change a light bulb?
"Why do we have to change it?"

How many mystery writers does it take to screw in light bulb?
Two, one to screw it in almost all the way in and the other to give it
a suprising twist at the end.

How many science fiction writers does it take to change a light bulb?
1. Two. One to screw in the light bulb, and one to say, "In 1876,
Jules Verne had the first intimations that electrostatic power was
a viable energy alternative. Hitherto, the only sources ..."
2. Two, but it's actually the same person doing it. He went back in
time and met himself in the doorway and then the first one sat on
the other one's shoulder so that they were able to reach it. Then
a major time paradox occurred and the entire room, light bulb,
changer and all was blown out of existence. They co-existed in a
parallel universe, though.

How many poets does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to curse the darkness, one to light a candle...
... and one to change the bulb.

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
1. Bathtub full of powertools.
2. Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub
with brightly colored machine tools.
3. Fish.
4. Two. One to change it and one to throw a bucket of water out the
window. (An interesting story about this joke - it was once being
told at a party or something, and the person being asked correctly
made up a completely irrelevant answer, and was promptly corrected
by a loud chorus of "No, it's a fish !")

How many fish does it take to change a light bulb?
surrealist.

How many performance artists does it take to change a light bulb?
2. One to change the light bulb and the other to put the power tools
into the bathtub filled with green Jell-O.

How many visitors to an art gallery does it take to screw in a light
bulb?
Two. One to do it and one to say "Huh ! My four-year old could've done
that!"

How many fine artists does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten. One to change it, and nine to reassure him about how good it
looks.

How many members of the England cricket team does it take to change a
light bulb?
Four. One to change it after 85 overs, one to throw him the new one,
one to drop it, and one to get caught rubbing something out of his
pocket into it.

How many members of the Pakistan cricket team does it take to change a
light bulb?
None. "The players should only have to play 80 overs in a day. To
expect them to do any more would place an unnecessary strain upon
them."

How many football managers does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, it would only take one, but actually he doesn't change it at all
if it worked all right for him last time (lest he gets caricatured on
the back page of the gutter press.)

How many soccer players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
1. Five. One to get into position to screw it in, one to kick the
legs out from under him, one to snatch the light bulb and pass it
to his mate who, then goes and screws it in over the other side of
the room, and one to roll around on the floor pretending to be
really injured.
2. 15 - One to put the bulb in, 10 to kiss him afterwards, and the
other side's back four to all stand around and put their hands up.

How many Italian soccer referees does it take to screw in a light
bulb?
1. None. Putting in a working bulb would expose the yellow streak
down his back.
2. None. He'll never see the light about that offside goal anyway.

Note: Reference to the Final of the European Championship this year
(1996) when the Italian referee failed to disallow a blatantly offside
goal by Germany against the Czech Republic for fear of upsetting the
German fans. He would be well advised not to holiday in Prague.

How many baseball owners does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they like being in the dark ages.

How many NCAA basketball players does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one. But he gets money, a car, and three credit hours for it.

How many American college football players does it take to change a
light bulb?
1. The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
2. Just one, but he gets 3 hours of credit for it. (or the Heisman,
if Barry Switzer can get enough Alumni support for it) Note: The
Heisman is a trophy awarded to the supposed best overall college
football player each season by the NY Athletic Club. Barry Switzer
was formerly the University of Oklahoma football coach, one of the
winningest ever. The joke relates to the fact that the school's
publicity department has as much, if not more, to do with getting
the Heisman than the player's actual ability.
(Commentary from another American! Not exactly... OU has had a few
Heisman trophy winners, but only one of them when Switzer was head
coach (thus the joke's really not that funny). Now if you changed
it to Woody Hayes, former head coach at coach at Ohio State, or Bo
Schembechler, former Michigan head coach, it might be more
humorous.)

How many Kentucky football players does it take to change a light
bulb?
One, but he gets only 1 hour credit for it, fumbles it completely, and
all of UK fans groan about it for the entire semester. Meanwhile UK
basketball players change lightbulbs sucessfully, get 6 credits for it
plus a car, money, and the fans go wild.

How many American footballers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two - one to screw it in and the other to recover the fumble.

How many people at an American football match does it take to change a
light bulb?
Three. One to change it and two to tip the entire contents of the ice
bucket over the coach to congratulate him on a successful bulb
screwing.

How many University of Washington Husky football fans (or any
over-the-top sports fans who pay way way too much attention to minutia
surrounding "their" team) does it take to change a light bulb?
A million and one. One to hold the old bulb, and the rest to all try
and make the world revolve around it.

How many Denver Broncos does it take to change a light bulb?
One, unless it was a blow out, then all of them show up. (also Buffalo
Bills)
(Commentary from an American: Oh, please :-). I live in
Buffalo, so it's a slightly sore subject. This relates to recent Super
Bowls. The Broncos have been to four Super Bowls, and lost three by
huge margins-"blowouts". Likewise the Bills, the pride and joy of our
city, have lost the last three straight, the last two by overwhelming
margins.)
31/01/94 And another one too, by 30-13 !!! Brian.

How many American wrestlers does it take to change a light bulb?
1. Three. One to yank the old bulb out, throw it on the floor, try
and jump onto it from a great height, and act real surprised when
it rolls out of the way at the last minute, one to pretend to
twist the new one in round and round so far it almost breaks, and
some guy in a black and white stripey uniform whose function is
never made quite clear to protest about something or other, to the
complete indifference of the bulb changers.
2. 5. One to change it 4 to fake it.

How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?
It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the
switch.

How many body builders does it take to change a light bulb?
6. One to change it and 5 to say "Man, you've got huge muscles!"

How many martial artists does it take to change a light bulb?
100. One to screw in the light bulb and 99 to say "Our style has that
technique, too, but we do it a little different."

How many anglers does it take to change a light bulb?
Five, and you should've seen the light bulb! It must have been this
big! (Gestures with arms...) Five of us were barely enough!



Facebook Twitter Stumbleupon Google Reddit