Chuck Norris Facts II

Chuck Norris demanded live rounds and convicted sex-offenders for every episode of Walker: Texas Ranger.

Chuck Norris traveled back in time and freed the slaves because he knew he’d need a black partner on his show one day. And by need, i mean do all the bitchwork, because Chuck Norris doesn’t need anybody.

If you don’t capitilize Chuck Norris’s name, he’ll kill your grandparents.

Chuck Norris singlehandedly started and ended both world wars.

Chuck Norris killed hitler, not out of patriotism, but because he had such a sorry excuse for facial hair.

Chuck Norris shot 50 Cent 9 times but let him live for their upcoming feature film.

No girls ever fucked Chuck Norris without getting at least 15 stitches.

Chuck Norris has never had his dick sucked, but he’s fucked a lot of mouths.

Chuck Norris once boxed a kangaroo on a steel pier at the boardwalk.

Chuck Norris made the pope question his own sexuality.

In his autobiography, Chuck Norris accused Jean-Claude Van Dam and Steven Sigal of being “little pussies who probably sixty-nine with each other.”

Chuck Norris invented doggy-style, except he calls it Chuck Norris-style, and you better too.

Chuck Norris is the only record in medical history to beat cancer, not by chemotherapy, but a brief series of spinning roundhouse kicks.

Great White Sharks have an agreement with Chuck Norris, that if he sticks to the land, they’ll stick to the water.

Chuck Norris can make even the meanest of bull-dykes moist in the crotch.

Chuck Norris goes door to door across the country making sure people are getting their daily quota of Walker, Texas Ranger.

Reportedly, Chuck Norris vomits blood upon seeing any Ben Affleck movie, stating that Affleck "couldn’t roundhouse kick his way out of a wet paper bag."



Facebook Twitter Stumbleupon Google Reddit