Convention Schedules

Democratic National Convention Schedule Boston, Massachusetts 6:00 PM - Opening Flag Burning Ceremony 6:05 PM - Pledge of Allegiance to the U.N. 6:15 PM - Secular Prayers by Rev. Jesse Jackson and Rev. Al Sharpton 6:30 PM - Antiwar Concert by Barbara Streisand 6:40 PM - Ted Kennedy Proposes a Toast 7:00 PM - Tribute to France 7:10 PM - Collect Offerings for al-Zawahri Defense Fund 7:25 PM - Tribute to Germany 7:45 PM - Antiwar Rally (Moderated by Michael Moore) 8:25 PM - Ted Kennedy Proposes a Toast 8:30 PM - Terrorist Appeasement Workshop 9:00 PM - Roundtable Discussion of Taxes: "Calling for Higher Taxes on Others While You Pay None" 9:15 PM - Bill & Hillary Clinton Host a Seminar on "The Successful Selling of White House & Air Force One Mementos on eBay" 9:20 PM - Gay Marriage Ceremony (Both Male and Female Couples) 9:30 PM - * Intermission * Special Guest Soloist Jane Fonda 10:00 PM - Posting the Iraqi Colors by Sean Penn and Tim Robbins 10:10 PM - Reenactment of Kerry's Fake Medal Toss 10:20 PM - Howard Dean Screamfest 'Yeeearrrrrrrg!' 10:30 PM - Seminar: "The Boy Scouts and Other Paramilitary threats to National Security" 10:40 PM - Ted Kennedy Proposes a Toast 10:45 PM - Abortion Demonstration (NARAL) 11:00 PM - Multiple Gay Marriage Ceremony (Threesomes, Mixed and Same-Sex) 11:15 PM - 'Maximizing Welfare' Workshop 11:30 PM - 'Free Saddam' Pep Rally 11:50 PM - Ted Kennedy Proposes a Toast 12:00 AM - Kerry-Edwards 2004 Sealed With A Kiss 12:01 AM - Ted Kennedy Proposes a Toast 12:02 AM - Ted Kennedy Proposes a Toast Republican National Convention Schedule New York, NY 6:00 PM Opening Prayer, led by the Rev. Jerry Falwell 6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance 6:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment) 6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing 6:46 PM Seminar #1: Getting your kid a military deferment 7:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bong 7:35 PM Serve Freedom Fries 7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury, it's what's for dinner 8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next 8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh 8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos are after your children 8:30 PM Roundtable discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only) 8:50 PM Seminar #2: Corporations: the government of the future 9:00 PM Condi Rice sings "I Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man" 9:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bong 9:10 PM EPA Address #2 Trees: the real cause of forest fires 9:30 PM Break for secret meetings 10:00 PM Second prayer, led by Cal Thomas 10:15 PM Lecture by Karl Rove: Doublespeak made easy 10:30 PM Rumsfeld demonstration: How to squint and talk macho 10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark deer-in-headlights stare 10:40 PM John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory Kevlar chastity belt 10:45 PM Clarence Thomas reads list of black Republicans 10:46 PM Third Presidential Beer Bong 10:50 PM Seminar #3: Education: a drain on our nation's economy 11:10 PM Hilary Clinton Pinata 11:20 PM Second John Ashcroft Lecture: Evolutionists: the dangerous new cult 11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again 11:35 PM Blame Clinton 11:40 PM Laura serves milk and cookies 11:50 PM Closing Prayer, led by Jesus Himself 12:00 AM Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord