The Bible says it's alright to be a bitch: Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Jerusalem.

Jesus drove a Honda: All the disciples were in one Accord.

The first mention in the Bible of Drugs: The adultress getting stoned.

of Elasticity: Jesus tying his ass to a tree and then walking 40 miles into the desert.

of Soccer: Jesus going up for the cross.

of Motorcycles: The roar of David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.

of Sex: Jesus going to Mount Olive....then getting laid in the tomb.